Opinion

My Wife and Best Friend: One Year Just Like Yesterday

Published

2 years ago

September 2, 2021

by Kola Balogun

Beatrice (Beauty) Okiomoado Kola-Balogun, my wife of twenty-eight years left this sinful world to be with her creator, who loves her better around 9.00 pm on the 18th of August 2020. It was the darkest day of my life; a day I never wished to see! I left the National hospital that day around 1.00 pm since I was not allowed to go into the ward where she was with a view to returning the following morning to continue to hang around as I had done in the past one week since she was admitted into the facility.

On getting home, I called my children to give them update about their mom’s condition – that I spoke with her that Tuesday morning when she told me she wasn’t feeling better.
As it is usual with the family, it was a conference call; I told them how my day was spent at the hospital. We talked about other issues and the next approach towards her medical issues when she is discharged. We talked at length – everyone saying how much we were missing her, especially me, who could hardly do anything on my own without her input.

Meanwhile, there were several calls by the hospital and my General overseer, Rev. W. Okoye requesting me to come to the hospital while I was discussing with the children. Immediately we ended the call and I saw the missed calls, my heart skipped a bit! ‘’What could have happened?’’ I retuned the hospital’s call and was asked to come to the hospital that night. My thoughts ran riot! ‘’How could the hospital who had not allowed me access to her this past four days be calling me to come this night?’’ I reasoned. I refused to believe that the worst had happened! I suppressed every negative thought concerning her. ‘’How would I survive without her?’’ ‘’Where would I start from?’’ These were the questions that were ringing in my head seeking for answers as I drove to the hospital that night.
On getting to the hospital, the Doctor started with telling stories of the frailty and transience of life – ‘’nothing is new under the sun, ….’’ I didn’t know when tears started flowing from my eyes. The long and short of all his sermonizing was: ‘’your wife died about an hour ago at exactly 9.00pm’’! I was dumb founded for minutes – not talking, yet tears were running down my cheeks. ‘’How do I live without my soul-mate?’’ ‘’Where do I start from?’’ These and many more question ran riot in my head all that night.

It’s been one year now and God in His infinite mercies has kept me and my kids. We have become sources of encouragement to each other and we are determined to ensure that we carry on her legacy and keep her memory alive for the rest of our lives. Writing this tribute in her memory after this one year is a little way of expressing my undying love for her.
This one year without her has sent new memories flooding forward. Her life was a blessing and her memory a treasure. I loved her beyond words and miss her beyond measures!

Among the many qualities that endeared her to me was her kind-heartedness and going out of her way to do anything for you once she is fond of you. Since we got married on 28 December 1991 till her demise, she maintained that quality and never for once gave it up at any moment that I know. There was this extra ordinary fondness she had for her eldest brother, chief Charles Adogah SAN. She would rather give up her personal comfort than to disappoint her brother or any of her siblings for that matter. When I noticed that quality in her, I made up my mind never to obstruct her any time she had the obligation to assist or be with anybody, and for this she was always grateful.

So, when she had to travel to the village that weekend, I did not discourage her due to her ill-health. I would not have succeeded even if I tried. It was in fulfilment of a promise she had made to help organize the cooking/feeding aspect of a function in the village. “Madam’’, as I called her, you are not feeling fine and you are still going to embark on this journey?” I asked her. “You know that I had already given my word and he is depending on me to make everything work out successfully, how can I disappoint him at this last minute?” she made the journey and came back still looking frail and weak. She did some tests and it was confirmed that she had malaria and some level of typhoid fever. After taking two different sets of drugs treatment and she did not get better, the Doctor advised we go for injection option. The Doctor said they had discovered that some malaria were drug-resistant in recent times. I believed the doctor because I had the same experience while she was away to the village. She was placed on a three-day injection treatment. To our utter amazement, she did not get better after the injections. It was during one of the nights when she wasn’t feeling better that we had to go to another hospital aside the one where she had been receiving treatment.

The details of our experience at this other hospital is a story for another day. Exactly six days later, my loving wife, my confidante, my ‘mother’ gave in to the cold hands of death! It is exactly a year ago since she left me and the memory of the good times we had are the only consolation I have right now.

I have come to realize that the biggest fear anyone could have is not the fear of death, but the fear of never truly living – being there for others! Touching people’s lives positively and giving them hope in their hopeless situations.

‘Beauty’, my loving wife, lived! She was a quintessence of awe-inspiring impact to everyone who had the privilege of knowing her. She was an organizer, a bridge builder, a mother indeed! Most times, she would be on the phone mediating between siblings, friends and acquaintances till late into the night after I might have slept off. I remember an occasion when I told her that the inventors of GSM must have had her in mind when they embarked on the mission. She would call almost everybody on har contact register some days, including myself while in the office, just to ask after their welfare. A testimony to this fact occurred in December 2020, four months after she had passed when some of her friends in Benin city started calling her line. I had switched off her line that August immediately after her passing and when I switched it on again in December because I needed to retrieve some information from the phone, those calls started coming in. “It is very unlike her to stay for a whole month long without calling to check on us, even when we don’t call her that regularly, we’re really going to miss her soothing words of encouragement” said those her friends when they learnt of her passing.

One quality my wife possessed which I have been missing since her departure is composure! My wife was never in hurry to do anything. In one of our usual discussions one day, – we usually teased each other with our weaknesses and laughed at each other at the end. I told her that night that she always amazed me the way she composed herself calmly in whatever she did. She replied that it was the reason she liked planning ahead. True to her words, just a few days ago, our house help told me that most of the things she bought and stored in the refrigerator that we had been using were exhausted – one year after her passing we were still using ingredients she had stored! She was indeed a rare breed!
Her generosity was unprecedented, she would insist we left change for hawkers and road-side sellers whenever we stopped to purchase items like roast corn, roast plantain or bottled water. “I feel for these people and I wish I had the power to turn around their fortunes – how much would they make from these items they are hawking?’’ She would say. The peak of her generosity was when she requested that we started paying the school fees of our security guard’s children. Our security guard in the village has five children, two in the secondary school and the remaining three in the primary school. She started paying the kids’ school fees herself before informing me; when I asked her why she did that, she replied that it is to prove to me that it is doable, especially now that we are done with paying school fees for our own biological children. We had both agreed that we were going to set up orphanages and help stranded children back to school. We had actually started a programme of help to widows which we tagged “Lifeline”. She spare-headed the programme; every December she would travel to the village to arrange the bags of rice, and other ingredients and items we distributed to widows before Christmas. When she passed, we – my children and I and her younger brother who had been contributing to the programme, decided that we are going to rename the NGO after her. We named it – “Beatrice Ado Kola –Balogun Foundation”. Arrangements were on going and my eldest daughter was coordinating things in Canada, making contacts to relevant agencies. While all these were going on, my brother in-law, Mark, her younger brother said he had a dream where she was asking about the foundation. This is her lot! – doing things well and at the right time. We were able to conclude all arrangements and made the first presentation these month August at the first anniversary of her passing working in collaboration with Women impacting Nigeria, an NGO that touches the lives of widows. (She was compulsively kind-hearted but in ways that weren’t apparent to many people.)

My wife was one of the most brilliant students of the Bible and preachers I’ve ever known. But she was so modest, humble and quiet about her abilities that she didn’t often get the credit or recognition that she deserved. People often said I wrote her sermons whenever she was invited to preach the gospel of our Lord Jesus Christ. The truth is that my wife didn’t believe in my ability to prepare a good sermon for her. She would sit down and write everything herself! The only thing she would request I assisted her to do was in typing in bold font for easy reading for her, with a serious warning not to change anything from the original manuscript and that I should come back with both – manuscript and typed copy.

Beauty was a rare combination of beauty and brain. A bastion of support, dependable ally, soul-mate and partner of unprecedented standing. Life, truly is not fair; but I dare not give in to the disempowering tyranny of despair. That would tantamount to a disservice to the perpetual optimism that defined Beauty, my loving wife, whose favourite scripture is lamentation 3:37- “Who is her that says a thing and it comes to pass, when God has not commanded it”. I’m consoled by the fact of the above scripture that God had permitted it that she should go and rest in the bosom of her creator.
Once more, I want to use this opportunity to express my gratitude for the barrage of empathy and support I have been receiving from friends, brethren and family for this past one year. Amina Ohunene Francis-Audu (my wife’s gist partner), thank you so much for the delicious vegetable soup you send across often. You have shown that you are a friend indeed and I am sure that she would be proud of you in her new position.

May God almighty reward you and your husband and all those who have been standing by me for this past one year.

Beauty, my love, the memories of your love, sacrifices and affection for me and the kids will remain ever green in our hearts. If truly a person’s quality is measured by what he or she wants to achieve and not what he or she achieved, then, the quality of your personality is unquantifiable. You had those great plans – to touch lives, especially the girl-child! I will always love you. Thanks for the privilege and value of your friendship!

Kola

Opinion

MUSINGS ON NIGERIA’S INDEPENDENCE DAY CELEBRATION

Published

2 days ago

October 1, 2023

Sunrise Nigeria

The uneasy thing about Nigeria’s Independence Day celebration reminds me of Frederick Douglas’s thought-provoking speech which he delivered on the 4th of July, titled “What to the Slave is the Fourth of July?”. This famous and powerful address was made on July, 5, 1852. Douglas, an African American abolitionist and former slave questioned the hypocrisy of celebrating American independence and freedom while the black people were inhumanely treated under the shackles and manacles of slavery.

In that famous address, Douglas argued passionately that the celebration of freedom and independence was a hollow gesture for the African slaves and thus challenged the moral conscience of white America, urging them to confront the moral depravity and injustice of the institution of slavery.

Douglass began by acknowledging the significance and achievements of the American Revolution, praising the architects of the American republic for their commitment to the cause of liberty and justice. However, he quickly shifted his focus to highlight the stark contrast between the ideals professed and captured in the preamble of the American constitution -“we hold these truths to be self-evident that all men are created equal…” in the one, and in the other, the horrid condition experienced by the enslaved African people. In that speech, Douglass draws heavily and eloquently from the Bible, the American Constitution, and the Declaration of Independence to reveal the contradictions and ironies inherent in the American society.

It is in that sense, that we as Nigerians must reflect on Frederick Douglass’ powerful words and draw parallels from that knowledge and experience with a view to inspire us to critically examine the significance of Nigeria’s independence. Although Nigeria’s independence from colonial rule on October, 1, 1960 marked a pivotal moment in our history however, it also revealed the complexities and challenges that accompany self-rule 63 years down the line.

Like Douglass, who highlighted the stark contrast between the ideals of liberty and the reality of slavery in America, we must also interrogate and understand the overreaching implications of independence for Nigerians.

Independence should not just be about political freedom or self-rule, but entails also, the responsibility to harness our God given potentials-both human and natural in order to live up to the promise of a free and prosperous nation. This would mean, tackling poverty, misery, unemployment, inequality, illiteracy, insecurity, corruption and ethno-religious tension that persist within the Nigerian society.

Similar to Douglass’ call for justice and equality for all Americans, it is crucial to recognize the fact that true independence encompasses freedom from man-made hardship and suffering, systemic oppression and other forms of insecurity.

Frederick Douglass believed that the Fourth of July should be a time for reflection and self-assessment, urging Americans to confront the hypocrisy of celebrating freedom while denying it to a significant portion of the population. In the same vein, Nigeria’s Independence Day should prompt us to critically examine the discrepancies between the nation’s founding principles and the troubling reality of a vast majority of Nigerians today. By every conceivable standard, Nigeria is a deeply troubled nation.

We therefore must engage in introspection and ask ourselves challenging questions: Are we truly living up to the ideals of a united, prosperous, and just nation? Are all Nigerians able to fully enjoy the benefits of independence, irrespective of their social class, religious and ethnic background? How can we genuinely address the governance deficit and put an end to the failure of successive administrations with a view to better the social and economic conditions of all citizens in Nigeria? Do we really deserve the kind of leadership foisted on us for decades? Must Nigerians continue to adjust and readjust in order to survive under the grip of a highly perfidious elite operating an economic and political system that thrives on injustice and corruption?

Think about it!

Joelengs
01.10.2023.

Opinion

Published

2 weeks ago

September 15, 2023

Sunrise Nigeria

The presidential candidate of the Labour Party in the 2023 elections, Peter Obi, says Nigeria is “gradually losing one of the biggest intangible assets that make a nation strong, which is respect for the rule of law”.

In a statement he posted on his X handle in celebration of International Democracy Day on Friday, Obi said “our dear nation has continued to swing dangerously away from the boundaries of true democracy”.

He said that Nigerians must “remind ourselves of the need to work together to build and deepen our nation’s democracy”.

The former Anambra State governor called on all Nigerians to remain committed to building and reinforcing our nation’s democracy.

“As witnessed in the country today, the mindless erosion of the very ideals and tenets on which Nigeria’s democracy was built, if not checked, will only push the nation deeper into lawlessness,” he wrote.

“The current trend of endemic corruption, abuse of the constitution, disrespect for the rule of law, and transactional politics which cuts across the executive, legislative, and judicial arms of government, have continued to conflict with our nation’s enforcement of democracy.
Source: (thenigerianlawyer.com)

Opinion

Admiral Jibrin Akpabana: The Definitive Choice for Kogi East to Reclaim Power

Published

2 months ago

August 10, 2023

Sunrise Nigeria

By Comrade Shaibu O
…
In the lead-up to the pivotal Kogi State Governorship election, the residents of Kogi East, particularly the Igalas, find themselves at a crossroads, compelled to closely scrutinize the political landscape and deliberate on the most fitting candidate to challenge the incumbent Yahaya Bello’s bid for an extended tenure through Ahmed Usman Ododo.

The impending decision carries profound implications, as the Igalas, who have been witnessing a gradual erosion of their majority status, must strategically navigate this juncture in their political trajectory. Amidst the complex interplay of contenders, one figure stands out as a beacon of hope and transformation: Admiral Usman Jibrin, affectionately known as Akpabana, representing the Accord party.

In order to fully comprehend the stakes at hand, it is paramount for the Easterners to internalize a pivotal truth: their prospects for success hinge on presenting a unified front in the upcoming election. A fragmented approach, characterized by multiple contenders, could inadvertently pave the way for their collective failure. Hence, the Easterners ought to acknowledge that a singular, unifying figure is needed to carry their aspirations forward, and that figure is none other than Admiral Usman Jibrin.

While it is undeniable that Hon. Muritala Ajaka of the Social Democratic Party has garnered substantial popularity, particularly among the youth demographic, it is imperative to acknowledge that popularity alone cannot guarantee victory in the political arena. Ajaka’s commendable financial capabilities and potential as a leader notwithstanding, the formidable challenge presented by Bello necessitates a more comprehensive strategy. The Kogi election landscape echoes the adage, “The Kingdom of God suffered violence and the violent took it by force.” Triumphing over Bello’s entrenched influence demands unwavering determination and an audacious display of political force.

Governor Yahaya Bello has demonstrated an acute understanding of power dynamics and has wielded his authority with unapologetic vigor since assuming office. The echoes of his previous triumphs in 2019 serve as a stark reminder of his tenacity and the necessity of matching his resolve with equal determination. The assertion that Bello’s hold over the East has waned due to personnel changes in his camp is a misguided notion.
The new cadre of individuals supporting Bello in the East have proven themselves to be even more formidable and relentless than their predecessors.

Admiral Jibrin Akpabana is a figure whose very name reverberates with promise and the potential to disrupt Bello’s dominion. This assertion is substantiated by the fact that Governorship elections are intricately interwoven with national influence, and in this realm, Jibrin stands on a more favorable footing. Unlike Muritala Ajaka, who has seen his national influence dwindled since departing from the All Progressives Congress, Jibrin’s affiliations, including his role as a former Chief of Naval Staff and his familial connection to a former Chief of Defense Staff (Admiral Ibrahim Ogohi), positions him as an unassailable force, impervious to Bello’s manipulation of security agencies.

It is imperative to grasp that victory in a gubernatorial race transcends monetary largesse. The bedrock of a successful campaign lies in cultivating a cadre of loyal supporters who are willing to lay down their lives for the cause. Admiral Akpabana boasts a robust network across the state, built upon his legacy as a naval leader, wherein job opportunities were facilitated for numerous individuals. Kogi Easterners stand to capitalize on this deep-seated loyalty, galvanizing it into an insurmountable wave of support.

Furthermore, Admiral Jibrin has meticulously cultivated an array of influential backers on the national stage. While the identities of these individuals may remain shrouded in secrecy, the telltale signs were unmistakably on display during his son’s recent wedding, where distinguished personalities graced the occasion. These influencers hold the key to determining the fate of Kogi’s governance.

The power of social media, while undeniably significant in contemporary politics, should not be overestimated. The tale of Peter Obi’s campaign serves as a poignant reminder that virtual support does not invariably translate into electoral victory. In contrast, Admiral Jibrin has garnered the unwavering endorsement of key political elders and opinion shapers in the East, signaling a formidable groundswell of support. These venerable figures possess the resources and influence to decisively tip the scales in Jibrin’s favor.

As the days unfold, Admiral Jibrin Akpabana is poised to ascend the Eastern social media landscape, wielding an arsenal of compelling narratives and rallying cries.

The winds of change are palpable, as erstwhile supporters of Muritala Ajaka recognize the pragmatic imperatives and align themselves with Jibrin’s compelling vision. The writing on the wall indicates a shift of seismic proportions, compelling a collective shift towards Akpabana, propelled by the realization that, in the best interests of the Igalas, Muri must gallantly cede the spotlight to the Admiral, whose prospects shine luminously on the horizon.

The impending Kogi State Governorship election beckons the Easterners to embrace Admiral Jibrin Akpabana as the transformative leader capable of wresting power from the indomitable Yahaya Bello. With an unparalleled grasp of security agencies, unwavering loyalty from across the state, and a constellation of national backers, Akpabana is primed to restore the East to its rightful place of prominence.

As the tides of change surge inexorably forward, the Easterners stand at a historic crossroads, poised to recalibrate the trajectory of their political destiny by placing their unwavering faith in Admiral Jibrin Akpabana.

Comrade Shaibu O.
Political Analyst
Writes from Lokoja